I don’t really have much to say. Well, that’s not true. I actually have a lot to say, but I’m really busy. I, stupidly I might add, decided to throw both boys their birthday party this weekend. Together. At the same time. Oy. So, yeah: Busy. Because I love lists, here is what’s been going on. In list form.

• The boys and I headed to the park to meet up with a friend and her young son yesterday. As we were playing around, climbing all over, and just generally having fun, the Older One stopped and pointed to two lizards (alright, so Google told me in Florida they are called anoles). He says, “Awwwww, look! It’s a mommy lizard and her baby!” My friend and I look over to find two lizards having hot and heavy lizard sex. Awesome. Kids are so cute. That made my day. Also? My first thought was This is perfect blog fodder! Which were also my first words because, day-um, I’m not teaching my son a lesson about The Birds and The Bees at the park.
• Seeing as how tonight is the first night of Mommy Hiding in the Closet for Two Months Summer Break, my husband decided he wanted to let the Older One stay up late. I think his exact words were, “This kids never wants to go to sleep and never acts tired. Let’s see how late he can go.” To which I just shook my head and told him he was to assume full responsibility for this Terrible Idea Science Experiment. By the time 10pm rolled around, the Older One was heard saying, “Why do you have to hug me? This isn’t fair! You ALWAYS do this!” WHILST CRYING/WHINING. I decided to step in and march his butt straight to bed. Sure, he may not act sleepy, but it comes out in melt-downs, temper tantrums, and tears. To be upset OVER A HUG? Well that means he’s tired. So! The Older One does indeed have a Use By time stamp and it is around 10pm. No need to repeat this experience anytime soon!
• While in the driveway earlier this evening, Older One grabs my iPhone to start messing with some app or another. I have the iFart app and he’s obsessed. Sadly, the neighbors walked by right as he loaded up the app and hit Go. And then proceeded to proclaim loudly, “Eww! MOM! Say excuse me!” The neighbors took a good, long look. Again: Kids are awesome!
• Ugh. There was totally something else, but I can’t remember what it was. Dammit. My brain is so messed up. This is clearly a message to the younger generation: Don’t do drugs. Because that egg in the frying pan? TOTALLY MY BRAIN. Also? I’m totally not editing this. Because I can and because I’m too damn lazy. and also because I like to live dangerously. An errant comma? A rogue hyphen? SO ILLICIT.

Meet Peanut:

Oh my! I’m so sorry, Peanut! This was waaay back, before I had children, and I had the itch. I’m sure you know nothing about the itch, seeing as you’re a dog and all. But, clearly, one should never dress one’s Chihuahua/Yorkie mix in Warm Weather Tourist/Rain Gear.

1. You’re a dog.
2. You’re not a tourist.
3. You rarely spend time in the sun.
4. Also, you rarely spend time in the rain. You HATE the rain and would rather pee on the carpet. By the way I’m so over that, but now I realize you may be getting back at me and I kind of understand.
5. Because, obviously, I need to hear it again: YOU ARE A DOG. (Not to be confused with DAWG, which you are so not.)

Again, I’m sorry and I promise never to dress you in human clothing again. (I now realize human clothing is kind of redundant because HUMANS SHOULD BE THE ONLY ANIMAL TO WEAR CLOTHING.) Also? It only just occurred to me why you might be peeing on the carpet. If I promise never to have such a serious lapse in judgment again, will you please stop? Please? Remember: I can always take you to the shelter! (I kid. Only slightly. Maybe.)